How do you “juggle the struggle” of work-life balance?
According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, “becoming an entrepreneur appears to provide a solution to the problem of maintaining a balance between work and family responsibilities. It not only allows women to have careers that are vital and challenging, but it also gives them the power to decide when, how, and where their work gets done. Note that it is not a decrease in hours worked that women seek, but rather the flexibility to accomplish goals on their own terms.”
What I’ve found is that women start their own business in order to leave a 40 hour week where they feel like they aren’t getting to spend time with their family. What actually happens is that they end up working 80 hours a week in their own business and feeling like they spend NO quality time with their family, plus they generally work from home and now see the endless chores piling up around them and thus find it hard to focus on the job at hand. They feel frustrated at the fact that they can’t find balance, pressure to perform, they are therefore tired, and feeling overwhelmed and guilty with not being able to live up to their own expectations.
The Australian policy environment has adapted to working women around the edges – modifying ‘standard’ employment practices …to provide part-time work and paid parental leave for example – but it has not fundamentally transformed to reflect the different lifetime work and care patterns of most women. Women are stretched in light of this partial adaption which leaves them very busy on the work and home fronts.
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So how do we find the balance and manage what can feel like a struggle when all that what wanted was some flexibility?
It’s a bit like a juggling act. You are juggling so many balls (with each ball representing the roles in your life) and not wanting to let any of them fall.
To give an example, today my day was scheduled so that I could see clients in the morning and then later work ON my business, instead of IN it. I was excited as this opportunity has been rare. My husband had the day off and was to look after our youngest son, however, something unforeseen occurred, so he could no longer do that and my plan went out the window.
Cue ‘super stealth mode’ where I managed to line up sleep times with client consultations. I actually managed to do this (phew). When my son woke, I sat him at his own little desk (next to my desk) so that he could colour in and do his ‘work.’ (See picture). However he decided it’s much more exciting to jump up and down on my lap and use my computer and draw all over my diary. When I managed to pry him off me and focus on my work for 2 minutes – the havoc that ensued in that short while was ink marker on white chairs, kitchen cupboards and all over his clothes…
Needless to say, I was unable to work through my giant ‘to-do’ list as I’d hoped and I felt frustrated. I felt frustrated by the fact I couldn’t get my work done and that I had to wash half my house of permanent marker and that I also wanted to spend time with my son.
I don’t know about you but it got me thinking… ‘How do we stop being what can feel like the star of our own circus?’
My son just wanted to play, read, hang out and have my full and undivided attention.
So instead of doing both the parenting and working gig in a mediocre fashion, I decided that I needed to just stop and focus on one.
I looked at my balls in the air, and I made the decision to let go of the work ball and place it down. I reflected on my priorities at the moment and that was being present with my son. At the end of the day, I had already managed to accomplish my work with my clients and for that I was grateful. The rest could wait as I wasn’t on a strict deadline. There was no point going through the day trying to do both and rendering mediocre results and not being fully present. So I placed my ‘to-do’ list on the back burner and decided that I could do it later. I realised that I didn’t mean that it wasn’t going to get done at all. I will throw the work ball back up into the air, (after I’ve done a face mask as part of my self-care ball),when everyone has gone to bed and I when I can put the ‘Mum’ ball down for a while. Running a business or working full-time doesn’t have to take away from your family or your self-care.
Ask yourself – ‘How many balls am I currently juggling?’
As Rumi famously wrote, “Life is a balance of holding on and letting go.” I reckon the key to surviving the juggling act is knowing which balls are a priority. This way you know which balls you can drop (and feel comfortable in dropping them) in order to keep the other’s in the air. Understand which balls are made of rubber and will bounce back if dropped, and which ones are made of glass and can shatter.
Sometimes we find ourselves being able to do it all…and other times we just simply can’t – and that’s OK. We can manage to ‘have it all’ but sometimes it’s just not all at the same time. And quite simply, that is life. There is great power, confidence and comfort in being able to say, ‘that’s not a priority right now, I’ll pop that ball down and pick it up when I can.” If you don’t put the ball down in time, ALL the balls will tumble and some will even shatter on the ground. Which means extra time, energy and perhaps sacrifice in order to get them all back on track. Who needs that extra mess to clean up (along with the permanent marker everywhere?) if it can be avoided?
So how do we perform this balancing act?
- Priority – How many balls are you juggling write now? Write them down…Which balls have the most priority? Give them a ranking out of 10 as to how much priority they have, with 10 being the most important. This highlights which balls can break if you drop them, and which ones can bounce. You know which balls you can quickly place down when the time arises to focus on priorities.
- Balance – It’s important to learn how to juggle so that you can incorporate the things you love into your ‘act.’ Otherwise, you will find that you are throwing and catching one giant ball! It can’t be all work and no play. Try and have a combination of the roles you play in life every day.- these might be exercise, hobbies, spirituality, friends, family. The list is endless. In doing this, you will have the power and confidence from Step 1 in knowing which ones are priority and which balls you can put down if the need arises.
- Tribe – Who do have as your support team so that you can call upon them to take time out and do the things that you wish to do for yourself? If you need help, be sure to ask. It’s imperative that you have a variety of sources who you know you can trust to help you when the need arises. You can look to your family, friends, work colleagues, support groups, day-care, schools, baby-sitters (to assist with children).
- Self–Care – Be sure to throw the ‘Self-Care’ ball into the air every so often so that you’re not forgetting to tend your own needs. You are no good to anyone if you don’t take some time for you. This doesn’t have to be a day of pampering (but how nice if it is). Once a day is great if you can manage to incorporate this ball. It could be a bath at night, a moment of focusing on deep breathing with your eyes closed, or perhaps a walk outside. Find something that you can quickly and easily do to lift your energy and your spirit and to have a moment to yourself.
- Take the Pressure Off – Stop trying to do everything and be everything to everyone. Be content in knowing that at times, some things may need to be put on the back burner. Know that it’s ok to put you first and be content in doing so! It takes confidence to step up and say ‘No’ to others or to events but it’s oh so important to helping preserve your energy. As Warren Buffett once said, “You’ve gotta keep control of your time and you can’t unless you say no. You can’t let people set your agenda in life.” By understanding your priorities, you will be able to focus on who and what matters the most.
I’d love to know your thoughts! Suggestions on permanent ink removal is also welcome.
